Updated: May 8
Spring is a magical time of change. The earth transitions from the dark, cold, heavy winter to a light, quick, blossoming spring. Nature makes a smooth transition with blooming flowers stretching to meet the longer and warmer days. While for us humans, change is not always an easy transition.
This season of change we had a surprising plot twist with a stay at home order. We were forced to change our habits and routines. Many of us had more time on our hands to reflect on our life, dreams, and goals.
While this time is filled with challenges, I believe you should still be able to find joy in each day. Take time to reflect on the different areas of your life: relationships, finances, career, physical activity, health, and your home environment. What areas of your life could use some loving care? Do you need to make any little or big changes to feel more satisfied?
Aj and I got engaged on January 31st and moved in together that weekend. We were just beginning to get into a steady groove of our new routine. Then came the stay at home order, and now we are together ALL. THE. TIME.
We have joked that this is like a new reality TV show - Are You Ready to Get Married?!? Jokes aside, Aj and I have a supportive relationship and there is no one I would rather be stuck with 24/7.
However, if this happened 4 years ago during my first engagement, it may have been the push I needed to postpone or call off my first wedding. Yes, you read that right, I was engaged 4 years ago. You may gather that I had a short marriage, which is true. My marriage was short, emotional, and the push I needed to make a change in my life.
I felt like I was living in a fog. I was going through the motions without feeling joy. Everyone around me was getting married, so when he proposed I said yes and started planning a life that I was not especially excited about. He loved me, wanted to make me happy, life was okay, I thought that was as good as it gets.
I think back and wonder why I was willing to accept a life that didn't exhilarate me? Was I that afraid of change and the unknown? Was it worth crying myself to sleep next to my sleeping partner? Was it worth feeling hopeless and crying on my way to work each day?
I am writing this for the girl who googles should I call off my wedding or how to postpone a wedding, because that was me 4 years ago.
Give yourself permission to change. Give yourself permission to not care what others will think. You are allowed to cancel your wedding. You are allowed to postpone your wedding. You are allowed to seek counseling even if your significant other refuses.
There is no shame in calling off a wedding or deciding to postpone it. I couldn't sleep the night before my wedding, and not because I was too excited. Ask yourself, would it be better to delay your wedding or to push through just to finish what you started? From my experience, it is better to wait. I had a relatively easy divorce, but it still took time and money.
You don't need any reason to cancel or put your wedding on hold other than you are not happy. You do not have to be cheated on, abused, or in an unsafe relationship to justify why you are canceling your wedding.
My first husband's drinking made me very uncomfortable. I kept thinking it would get better. I kept expecting things to change. I thought if we moved in together it would change, once we got engaged or when we got married. My problem was I wanted him to change. That was not fair to him or me. If your happiness hangs on the actions of someone else, it is a clue that you need to make a change for yourself.
Happiness does not come from others, it comes from inside you. You have to have joy in yourself.
Last time I was engaged everyone kept telling me to enjoy this special time, and believe me I kept waiting for that moment. I had the pretty dress, the parties, the choreographed first dance, but my mind was always racing with thoughts of uncertainty.
I don't regret my first marriage, it helped shape my life, but it took me too long to stand up and take charge of my own happiness.
Aj likes to joke with me that he is past his return date and now I am stuck with him. However, this time around I do not feel stuck, I am excited to do life together.
Remember that it is okay to outgrow a friendship, career, or romantic relationship. Change, break-ups, and divorce can be positive. If you feel stuck or like your going through the motions, be willing to make a change. It may be difficult or worse at first, but as nature demonstrates, growth is beautiful. Let yourself blossom into the person you are meant to be.
Life is too short not to enjoy it. Don't settle, go find your happiness. Take a risk, make a grand change, and live your dream!